Christopher Nairns: He or She

It may be a cliche that being sexy is a state of mind, but it’s also true. Despite the increasingly unrealistic images of beauty presented in society, now more than ever, people of color, people of size, and those who defy the gender binary and don’t fit into a box, are feeling empowered and attractive. OUT FRONT spoke to Christopher Nairns, a queer, plus-sized man of color who identifies as femme, about how he reaffirms his beauty and sexiness to the world every day.

How do you feel that being a femme-identified gay man relates to your sexuality? Why is this identity important to you?

I feel like we’re kind of underrepresented in the community. You look at the cover of magazines, articles, TV shows; it’s always two really masculine men with each other, and I feel like that construct in the gay community makes it tougher to date or meet people.

How do you think body image plays into sexuality and confidence, and how can we be more affirming?

I think it all depends on the individual. It really depends on how they feel about themselves and how they portray themselves when they are out in the world. If you’re confident in who you are and you feel like you have great attributes, you can lean on those when you interact in the world. If you think you are a bigger individual, then just dress your best. That’s what I do; I feel like my fashion, my style, is really different. I moved here from Boston and D.C., and I feel like my fashion aesthetic is more gender-neutral. I would say it’s just up to the individual, rather than just playing into social norms and how society views you or views masculine or feminine roles. Times are changing.

What, to you, are the sexiest characteristics a person can have?

I would say the sexiest characteristic a person can have is intelligence. There is nothing like having an amazing conversation and a connection with someone. I like the dialogue and banter and being able to talk about fashion and politics and how the world is progressing. To me that’s the sexiest thing, how you connect with someone.

How do you feel that race plays into sexuality, and how can we be inclusive without being fetishizing?

Everybody has their preferences and I think those preferences come from biases sometimes, and it’s all about breaking down those barriers. People might think that African Americans are ghetto or Spanish people live in the hood or whatever their biases are, but to me it’s a case-by-case basis and you can’t make generalizations. I always try and break down barriers, whether it is in my personal business or meeting someone; whether it is about real estate or what’s going on in the community, you walk away feeling more informed or having a vantage point about what it is like to be like someone else.

What stigmas do you think there are for more feminine men in our society, and how can we get away from these?

I think some of the stigmas that you face are people see someone that is wearing makeup and lipstick, and to me those people are strong, being able to walk out the door and present yourself differently then you should be, but people think if you’re a man you should be a masculine man and hunt and fish and not enjoy things like dresses and jewelry. I always relied on being able to be emotionally intelligent and not put myself in danger, just being able to navigate and lean on my intelligence to get me through and just use my confidence. I love handbags and dresses and great makeup, but I feel like you can do that and not be weak. Some people might view you as being less than masculine and weak, but that’s not true.

What does sexiness mean to you?

Sexiness is different for each person; that’s really an individual thing. I feel like people are really attracted to brightness and cheerful, happy people. Also if you are charismatic and present yourself in a cheerful, happy way, people like that. I get so much business just from being different and confident. To me my confidence is sexy. I’ll just walk into a room and own that room; people will want to know who I am.

How can we each be more confident and love ourselves more, despite society’s standards?

Sometimes it’s just a really good role model. When you don’t see someone that looks like you, then be that role model for someone who looks like you. If you’re a bigger person and trying to find out where you fit in and how you should dress, you’re the role model now. Every day I look in the mirror and I say positive things to myself, and I say positive affirmations because we are so hard on ourselves sometimes, rather than just living up to our own standards or being the best person we can be. I’m always that listening ear, that person people in my circle come to for advice.