BEYOND BONDAGE: Madison Young refuses to be tied down by definition

BDSM porn queen Madison Young is used to being naked and raw in both her work as a feminist porn icon and performance artist, but with her new revealing memoir, “Daddy,” fans can get an even more intimate glimpse into the life of one of queer porn’s most influential stars.

Speaking to Out Front about her book, Young also shares with us her earliest sexual fantasies, thoughts on “50 Shades of Grey,” and how to feel as sexy as a porn star.

You were featured in an episode of HBO’s “Real Sex.” That show has a place in my heart — my very first experience with porn was sneak-watching that show at slumber parties after the parents were out. What was your first experience with porn?

My first porn experiences were probably more nontraditional, like comic books. I was a big fan of Catwoman, so Catwoman and Wonder Woman were some of my first masturbatory materials.

And then I really liked magazines, as far as porn went. I love books, I love magazines, I love the tactile experience. I also enjoyed going to the porn stores to look at magazines. It’s kind of like you have to take a deep breath and say, “Okay, I’m going into semen zone, I’m taking up space, and I’m in here because I own my sexuality and I have a right to look at these images, too!”

You talked about having to be brave and liberated in your sexuality and learning to take up or claim your space in porn, which ties into queer sexuality. I know you identify as queer, so what does that mean to you?

Well, queer means many things to me. It’s social, political, and sexual. The people I have been in relationships with or am attracted to span all genders. My connection with an individual is based on the individual, not their genitalia.

Also, the kind of sex I like to have is “queer” because it is my identity. It’s part of my gender, it’s part of my sexuality. I like very kinky sex, I like sex where there is a lot of intensity and connection. The way that I have sex is very queer even if the person I am having sex with doesn’t identify as queer.

Would you say you’ve always been a sexual person or would your porn career blow your teenaged self’s mind?

My porn career would definitely blow my teenaged self’s mind simply because I grew up in a not very sex-positive environment. I knew from a very young age the feelings and desires I had were not things I was supposed to talk about; they involved tingling in parts of my body I wasn’t supposed to acknowledge existed. And I also didn’t see many same-sex couples growing up in southern Ohio, so I was very removed from the queer community. That was really challenging, growing up feeling ‘other,’ but it also created the necessity for me to be a dreamer, because it was dreams that kept me alive. So I developed these worlds where I could see myself as older, and beautiful, and with a woman I loved. And creating those worlds is what we do as artists. I developed a very active imagination, and I think it really helped in my becoming an artist.

And speaking of creating worlds, you certainly let us into yours with your new memoir, “Daddy.” What inspired you, and made you feel comfortable enough to share your story with your fans?

My motto has always been “to reveal all, fear nothing.” Going back to that girl in Ohio, I did grow up in a space that had a lot of shame about bodies, sexuality, and that connection, so the work I do is to create a space for people to be their authentic selves. So much in our society tries to mold us, but we are all individuals and all different. Speaking and living out loud about who we are can be so empowering, and I can’t teach others to do that if I can’t do it myself.

But there were definitely elements of this book that were scary to delve into, things I hadn’t gone public with. It was very fresh stuff that I hadn’t yet created work about, like my partner’s sobriety and some of our relationship troubles. People sometimes think that if you are some sex hero, you can’t have troubles in your relationships. But that’s not true — all relationships have challenges. And every individual has their own challenges.

Is there anything you think will really shock your readers
to know?

I have a fairly vast readership of everyone from moms in the midwest who just picked up “50 Shades of Grey” to people who have followed my porn career. I think people expected it to be all about my feminist porn or BDSM, but the book really follows a specific journey. It investigates and explores this relationship with “daddy,” with the father figure, with family, and with chosen family — which, chosen family is a very queer concept.

So, “50 Shades of Grey.” Love it or shove it?

It, personally, is not for me. I’m not a fan. I directed a film called “50 Shades of Dylan Ryan” which is a feminist critique of “50 Shades.” I feel like the woman who wrote it is not familiar with BDSM. The relationship is not complex and layered, and the characters come off as really damaged and broken in a way that doesn’t feel super healthy. I also like really strong submissives. There is this trope about submissives being really weak, but most people within the community know that’s not how it usually goes.

You’ve been a performer in porn, but you are also a director, writer, sex positive educator, and artist with your own performance space. Which hat feels most natural right now?

I’m an artist, and the way I explain it is all of those different mediums are like learning another language — French, Spanish, German, and learning to love all of those languages. They are all ways I communicate. They stimulate different parts of my body and give way to different forms of expression.

Working behind and in front of the cameras since 2002, you must have seen a lot of change within the industry, especially in regard to social media. How do you keep up?

Having lots of young interns around! It’s difficult. I’ve been on Twitter since maybe 2007, and keeping up with everything that has popped up since, like Tumblr and Instagram, can be challenging. The way we are consuming media now is very different. It’s all about seeing how people want to consume their media.

In 2011, you took on another role: mother. How has motherhood changed your ideas on sexuality, if it has at all?

I have definitely changed a lot. It’s a very transformative experience, and it’s a constant learning experience. I teach a lot of workshops now around motherhood and sexuality, much of it is advocating for body and self love. I performed all the way through my pregnancy. I’m 5’2” and usually about 120 to 125 lbs., but at nine months I was 180. I remember being exactly nine months pregnant in L.A. and performing with an 18-year-old girl who weighs, like, 99 lbs. And I was like, “I can’t even see my p*ssy anymore, but I am going to own this. I am going to teach this girl how to f*ck!”

What are some tips you have for the everyday woman or man about learning to love and embrace their bodies?

Affirmations are great. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am beautiful, I am worthy of pleasure.” Masturbation is a huge one. That’s a great way to start to feel pleasure in your own body again, which makes it easier to share it with others.

Especially for moms, taking time for self-care. Take a bath, take a long run, go get your favorite ice cream. We need to refill our container of self love and energy so we can give it back.

And sexy lingerie! Dita Von Teese’s line even has a really sexy nursing bra.

Finally, though it shouldn’t feel “guilty,” a lot of people call porn their “guilty pleasure.” What are some of your guilty pleasures?

I enjoy chocolate. I definitely do enjoy sugar,
and caffeine. l

To learn more about Young’s art or to check out her book, “Daddy,” please visit:
daddythememoir.wordpress.com.